He made lists of things he wanted to feel
when he was younger, big things, small things, ice, snow, the sand
at the beach, someone else’s hands holding his, feeling him feeling
them, a feedback loop of feelings, which is what happens when two
people make love. He wanted to feel things that made him feel safe
and scared and things that ripped his heart out of his chest, things
that made him want to go home and things that made him want to
travel, things that made him proud and things that made him regret
his choices and he, like all people, slowly ticked these things off the
list in his head as he lived, as the world turned until soon, there were
very few things left to feel.
He believed the last thing he would feel, would be nothing, as that
was nearly impossible to feel unless you were dead or hadn’t been
born yet. He wondered what it’d be like to not be able to wonder.
He’d once wanted to know what it felt like to be able to talk to
people properly, to be normal but he’d given up on finding that
feeling, figuring no one ever really found it.
Amazon has jumped the gun a little and the kindle edition of Intentional Dissonance is out! You can get it now and preview the first few chapters here.
